Bingo & Scary Mary

My step daughter mentioned a few weeks ago she really needed a break from the kids once a week and would I like to go Bingo. I got to admit I am virgin Bingo player so thought "Hey, why not" and off we went. I was slightly dubious as the last time we left the kids with my other half we came back to find the house completely trashed and my front door sporting a wonderful hole courtesy of my other half's head! Nevertheless off we went and damn, I have been to a few strange places but nothing prepared me for the terror that is Bingo...

There seems to be a few unwritten rules regarding going to the Bingo for instance, you must weigh at least 20 stone and be really old. You get extra points for looking "Scary Mary" and believe me I saw some bloody horrors tonight. On the other hand I like going as there is always someone fatter/older/uglier than me and it does wonders for my self esteem! I might be taking the mickey but I was gutted tonight, I was one number off winning 20K...AHHHHHHHH! Never mind, perhaps next week eh!. Oh and if you do go to Bingo don't make the same mistake as me and attempt to go for a fag in the smoking shelter during the break. Imagine this, a barrage of women running for the door with elbows and handbags flying, I actually saw a woman of around 90 smack another with her bag and shove her into a wall in a desperate attempt to get the door first. I thought at the time, damn, how badly do they need to smoke? It was pointed out to me later that they have machines that play Bingo during the break that are in the smoking shelter and they rush to hog them. My class comment of the day? In the smoking shelter tonight (which I braved purely out of desperation for a fag) a lady in a wheelchair came out and we all noticed how badly her legs were shaking, another lady piped up "You OK? It is bloody freezing out here" to which the wheelchair user replied "No, I am not cold. I have Parkinson's!" I really did not know where to look but honestly, it was the funniest comment I have heard in years. Just a footnote, I did speak to the lady afterwards and she did say it was really hard to keep a straight face, and I have to say, now I have spoken to her, she has a wicked sense of humour.

Keep smiling people xxxx